The Three Stones

As most of this blog’s readers know, my father expired a couple of months ago. What followed his death is the subject of this post. I couldn’t decide whether the things that immediately followed his death were funny or disgusting. But, then I decided that they were on the funnier side of things. I know, I know, most of you are probably wondering what kind of (lunatic) guy sees funny things in his father’s death. I can because I can look at it objectively and not subjectively. But some the incidents I am about to narrate will I am sure if not make you laugh out aloud at least make you think” “Yeah, I can see the funny side of things here.”

1. All my “relatives” crying:
I couldn’t understand why in the hell were people who barely knew my father were crying loudly and profusely, whereas my bro, sis and I were not crying that much. I even went to take a nap and had food all three times of the day, whereas some of the people I have mentioned above ate very little food or completely refrained from eating food. What’s the point in not eating food? I don’t get it. Is the dead person going to come back to life if you don’t eat food?? The most funniest thing: here were the three people most closely related to deceased person going and consoling people who were distantly related to deceased.
I couldn’t understand why were people whom my father barely knew so worked up over his death. Then me friend told me: Most people cry at funeral whether they feel like it or not, because they think they are supposed to cry at funerals. It’s a sort of peer pressure thing. “People will think badly about me if i don’t cry at funerals” has been etched into the minds of people and they blindly follow it.
Also, people who were crying were uttering the following phrases to my father’s corpse. C’mon people, what’s the point in talking to a dead body? How can a dead person hear to what you are talking? And I am called insane!! Anyway, these phrases made me laugh. Some of the phrases were:
· “Why did you leave us and go? How did you have the heart to do this?”
Yeah, Right! Why would any sane person in his/her right mind voluntarily die? That too when they have many loved ones?? Some people actually scold the dead person for dying!!! I cannot still fathom till date why people behave that way in funerals.
· “Please open your eyes and look at me/us once.”
This is one seriously is the most funniest. I mean the person is dead, how would he/she open their eyes?? I wonder how many of them would not scream and run away or go mad, if a dead person opens his/her eyes?

Now, here are some questions.
a) According to most theist, when a person dies they go to heaven or hell depending upon whether they were a good person or a bad person. Now, most theists will claim heaven is a better place than the earth and etc etc. Now, I see that people cry at the funeral of everyone. The question is: So, is no one going to heaven, because everyone was a bad person or is that no one is happy that a person they know going to heaven??Answer this one theist!
b) Once a person dies, we start referring to the person’s body as it. Until that time, we refer to a person’s body as he/she. Why this disrespect? So, you guys mean to say that the body of a person has no relevance? If so, why then are people crying when only body has expired? Doesn’t a person still continue to live on?
c) Why at all do people cry at funerals? Just because a person dies does is it man that person is dead? I mean, physically that person is dead. But, doesn’t that person continue to live on in our memories and hearts?? It disgusts me that people seem to give so much importance to flesh and bones than to the person. After all a person is more than just flesh and bones. Isn’t a person also the ideals, values, and beliefs that were held by that person, the actions that the persons committed during his/her lifetime?

2. No Television:
This happened a couple of days (Some 4-5 days.) after my father’s death. One of my younger cousins wanted to watch that day’s IPL match. So, I was connecting the TV wires and was switching it on, when one of my aunts comes and says “No, No, you should not watch TV n all.” I was like “Huh!! Why can’t/shouldn’t I watch TV?” and switched on the TV. She stood there for some time starring at me and then walked away, because all my cousins and uncles came to watch the match. My aunt never gave me the explanation of why I shouldn’t switch on the TV. But the general message I think was that “You don’t watch TV, just a couple of days after someone has expired is the house.” I mean what kind of crap is that? I mean, isn’t it disgustingly funny??

3. No going out after dusk:
This is another “rule” that makes me laugh every time I think about it. This too happened a couple of days (Some 3-4 days.) after my father’s death. My friend had come to see me and said let’s go out, it will be a change for you. So I was starting to go out. Everyone was like “No, you can’t go out after dusk.” I laughed out aloud and asked “Why shouldn’t I go out after dusk?” The reply as usual was “You can’t gout that’s it.” and “Just listen to what we are saying. Don’t ask cross questions?” But, you all know me. I kept pressing everyone for an answer and not even one was able to come up with a proper answer.
I still am not able to understand the logic behind the “rule” that close relatives of a deceased person should not go out after dusk.

4. The Three Stones:
Now, to the main thing that inspired post and the tittle of the post.
What would you do if some guy brings you a stone and says this is your father/mother? You would, if not bash him up at least get into a verbal argument with him. Some of you would probably laugh. Right?? How many of you would do nothing about it and keep quiet??
Hindus have a final rites ritual, which happens about 10 days after a person dies. I did not want to do all these rituals. (One of the reasons being: Though he was a theist, my father never believed in rituals.) I was emotionally blackmailed into it. So, I accompanied my brother to the place where the ritual is to be performed. (It’s performed by some lake side.) I sit down and the guy who helps you do the rituals places three stones in front of me and says pointing to each stone in turn: “This is your father, your grandfather, your great grandfather!!!” I almost burst out laughing. I mean, come on people. Wouldn’t you find it funny if some guy/girl brought a stone and said this is my father/mother /grandfather/grandmother…. You would think “Poor thing, he/she has lost his/her marbles.” (Interestingly, marbles are also stones. Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!)
I was supposed to do all kinds of poojas to the three stones, sorry to my forefathers. It was pathetic to say the least. What was more disgusting was the attitude of all my relatives who had accompanied us to do the ritual. They actually looked as I they took the whole “stones are your forefather” thing seriously. Judge for yourself people. I mean it is funny isn’t it? At least a tiny weenie bit??

5. Women are not allowed to perform the last rites:
Why is that we are in such a male chauvinistic society? Why is that women are still considered/treated as inferior to men? Why is that when a guy flirts/seduces many girls he called a playboy, a casanova and treated as a special person? Some people (Both guys and girls.) actually admire these guys and sort of place them on a pedestal. Whereas as when a girl flirts/seduces many boys, she’s called a slut, a whore and people treat her as a thing that is to be thrown to the dungeons?? Where is this diatribe leading to? Read on…
I have never been able to understand this aspect of Hindu society, not only are women are discriminated against in life but also in death. Women are not allowed to perform most of the rituals especially the last rites of a deceased person. C’mon, doesn’t a wife/mother/daughter/friend have as much right over the deceased person as a husband/father/son/friend? If you ask why women are not allowed, I am sure the answer to that will be: “Our forefathers did not allow it; they must have had some reason for it.” or “You should not question things like this.” I mean, no one, not a single person I am sure will come up with a rationale reason.

I am not saying one should not cry at a funeral. What I am saying is that, cry only if you feel like it. Second, learn to treat a person as more than just flesh and bones. A person is definitely more than that. Thirdly as J. K. Rowling speaks through her character Dumbledore asking a question; “Do you think our loved ones ever leave us?” The answer is of course a big NO. As mentioned earlier, our loved ones continue to live on in our memories, through their ideas and values. Fourth, try looking at life (your) objectively; you will realize a lot of things that you didn’t notice before.

In Defense of My Insanity – A Theory(s)

Finally, the theory/explanation for which all of you were eagerly waiting for! The theory that explains my insanity. Now, I am not going to tell you people how I became insane, that would be inappropriate as most of you are not ready for it. It would be like putting a 3 year old child in the controls of a 747 Boeing airplane with passengers in it. Actually, I myself do not know how and when I became insane!! Actually, even if i figure out how i went wrong i'll take it to my grave. (Which of course will never happen because, i am never going to die.)

Enough about myself, now for the theories:

Theory 1:

The idea for the first theory comes from two articles that I read in Popular Science magazine: Soul Search and Quantum Consciousness

The common aspect of both these articles is that; consciousness is in a way independent of the body and can exist even without the body. In the second article, the idea is stated that consciousness of a dead person escapes the body and still exists as energy. They go further to say that some apparatus can be designed to capture and store it.

Let us for a moment assume the above stated idea/theory to be true. So, now suppose that I was able to through the power of my will able to split my consciousness and extract one part of my consciousness and send that part of the consciousness in a journey across the entire Universe in search of knowledge.

So, only a part of my consciousness is available in my body. That explains a lot about my insanity, does it not??

Theory 2:

The second theory takes a completely different approach, but is still quite valid. The highest state that any human can achieve is called Nirvana. A state in which a person is beyond human desires and wants. A state where nothing “touches” the person who has reached this state.

To me, at least this definition sounds close to the definition of insanity. I am of the view that Insanity and Nirvana are quite similar states except for a few minor differences. (I would rank Insanity above Nirvana.) So, I could say that in my quest for Nirvana I made a slight mistake in my calculations and ended up insane.

But what’s the difference, I would say none. I have long been of the view that only two kinds of people can truly happy; children and the insane. I know, I know. It’s usually children and sages. But let me ask you a question: Do you think a sage can have states like happiness, sorrow?? The answer is a big NO.

But back to the theory; so, in a way I am enlightened person. So I am enlightened that I am giving the explanations for my insanity myself. Sort of like a problem generating the solution for itself.

Theory 3:

This is theory is the last of my theories. According to this theory; everyone except me is insane. But, since insanity has become the dominant state, it is considered normal and is considered sane. But because I am the only sane person here, I am considered insane. Crazy isn’t it?